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Mar. 16th, 2022
first entry!
Mar. 16th, 2022 06:53 pm and here comes my little message for the internet, this entry is going to join the endless sea of annoying self indulgent blogs out there! let's see... i find comfort in the fact that since i just made my blog and my website today, there might be zero readers out there. i can just write something stupid and it'l go into the void where maybe it will reach someone one day.
Life has been so... crazy? no, this entire year has been insane. i've discovered family secrets i wish i would've never known, i've lost family members and others have fallen ill physically and mentally. and me? im just stuck inside my four walls. i don't remember the last time i saw my family member who passed away, my grandma is collecting lemons from her tree that she planted the last time i saw her, my cousins son is going to go to school soon... everyone's lives are going on without me. i wonder if they remember me? i wonder if they know how often i think of them? i miss them all, i wish i was strong enough to see them again but no matter how much i try or how much medication i take i always feel unsafe and out of place when im outside. i always assume that im bothering someone just by breathing near them, that the world is better off without me out there and that no one would ever want to see my ugly face that not even a mask can hide.
Here at home i can live in my own world, here i can be a child for as long as i want. i have a warm blanket, yummy food, plushies, my pets! everything is so much better when you're inside! i can watch movies all day and i can day dream about the things i'd like to own! i can make my own friends in my mind and i can give them long stories with complex situations, you can do anything as long as you have a little brain inside that little skull of ours! some may think i'm a crazy person but i adore escaping reality. i do not wish to live in the real world, i created my own fantasy and i'm happiest when i'm living in it. this little shelter is where im going to spend all of my days for the rest of my life, and if there is some person out there who is curious about what is like to live as a shut in that only copes through escapism my blog will be the place for them. that sounds really selfish, doesn't it? i am a selfish person after all! in my dreamworld i am an almighty prince! a super cool dude! so who cares about who i am in real life? right?
ok that is enough crazy person talk for today. i hate writing about being aware of the fact that i live in a fantasy world, but it is a big problem in my life. it is the main reason why i have not left my house in almost 5 years, and it is also why i enjoy living this way.
well, time to post this! i guess this is going to be what the internet will remember me for! running a stupid little blog no one reads where i ramble about my dreams!! anyways, i wonder what i'll write in my next blog? tomorrow me, you better do a good job writing that!!! bye bye! sleep well and take care of yourself! oh, by the way future me! in the next blog let me know if you're still sick, ok? you have to take care of yourself if you still are! ok now bye bye for real, me!
Life has been so... crazy? no, this entire year has been insane. i've discovered family secrets i wish i would've never known, i've lost family members and others have fallen ill physically and mentally. and me? im just stuck inside my four walls. i don't remember the last time i saw my family member who passed away, my grandma is collecting lemons from her tree that she planted the last time i saw her, my cousins son is going to go to school soon... everyone's lives are going on without me. i wonder if they remember me? i wonder if they know how often i think of them? i miss them all, i wish i was strong enough to see them again but no matter how much i try or how much medication i take i always feel unsafe and out of place when im outside. i always assume that im bothering someone just by breathing near them, that the world is better off without me out there and that no one would ever want to see my ugly face that not even a mask can hide.
Here at home i can live in my own world, here i can be a child for as long as i want. i have a warm blanket, yummy food, plushies, my pets! everything is so much better when you're inside! i can watch movies all day and i can day dream about the things i'd like to own! i can make my own friends in my mind and i can give them long stories with complex situations, you can do anything as long as you have a little brain inside that little skull of ours! some may think i'm a crazy person but i adore escaping reality. i do not wish to live in the real world, i created my own fantasy and i'm happiest when i'm living in it. this little shelter is where im going to spend all of my days for the rest of my life, and if there is some person out there who is curious about what is like to live as a shut in that only copes through escapism my blog will be the place for them. that sounds really selfish, doesn't it? i am a selfish person after all! in my dreamworld i am an almighty prince! a super cool dude! so who cares about who i am in real life? right?
ok that is enough crazy person talk for today. i hate writing about being aware of the fact that i live in a fantasy world, but it is a big problem in my life. it is the main reason why i have not left my house in almost 5 years, and it is also why i enjoy living this way.
well, time to post this! i guess this is going to be what the internet will remember me for! running a stupid little blog no one reads where i ramble about my dreams!! anyways, i wonder what i'll write in my next blog? tomorrow me, you better do a good job writing that!!! bye bye! sleep well and take care of yourself! oh, by the way future me! in the next blog let me know if you're still sick, ok? you have to take care of yourself if you still are! ok now bye bye for real, me!
