luvcinnamoroll

 
hello again my little blog! i took a break from writing to you because i was not doing very well. i'm not sure why but i had a pretty bad depressive episode this last week, i relapsed into old habits and i've cried so much because im scared of change. but things are getting better! i finally had the courage to contact some of my old friends after my attempt and i was happy with the result, they were so sweet and understanding even after all the trouble i caused. im so lucky to have them, i really do love them.

something else that happened this week is that i've been drawing A LOT. i have been feeling really bad about my art lately but some very kind individuals on the art club gave me constructive criticism that has helped a lot and i can already see a change in my art! and drawing has helped me so much to keep my thoughts away! i'm so lucky to have this for a coping mechanism.

well, here is some of the art i've done lately, most of them are commissions:






i wish i could remember more of what i wanted to say... i remember being very excited to write about some things and finally let everything out but it's almost like my brain has blocked everything out! i can't remember the things that upset me... but it is ok!

oh small update, my least favorite thing is going to happen next week... i have to go OUT!!! that is the last thing a hikikomori wants to do! but it's a doctor visit so i HAVE to go...
anyways im sorry i don't have much to write about, i just don't feel as comfortable sharing here than i did before because of how many people has seen my site already :(
i guess that is all for now, let's hope these next few days are better.

the day is going to be over soon. even though the sun is still out is usually at these hours when i feel like i have nothing else to do, so i just go to sleep.
i was able to do everything on my list today and i'm proud of myself for that! i only have one commission left and then i'll take a break from drawing. i've sprained my wrist and fingers from drawing so much, it's painful to use my mouse or to write in a keyboard! and my fingers, oh they feel so stiff and they hurt so much!!! hopefully tomorrow morning it's not going to hurt this much T_T...

here are the two commission i finished:


i'm not very happy with them but the one i'm currently working on is going to be so much better, i really like how it looks already! all that is left is to color it and shade it :3 then i have to work on the two art trades i promised, im already halfway done with one and i haven't even started the second.

Other things i did today was finishing an Everskies magazine! i had to pay a pretty big fee for it to be published (110 stars!!) but i'll be able to get them back easily with time. i also dressed my avi like cinnamoroll and i'm kind of proud of how it came out, this is the closest i've ever been to a cluttered avi to be honest! i would show you but the image is not working for some reason :(

well, something else i did today was cooking! i made myself a little weird... soup? i dont know how to call it but it's basically tomato sauce, 2 fried eggs, one onion, mushrooms, carrot, garlic and lots of cheese! it's like bolognese sauce soup? kind of? it was yummy though!
hmmm what else did i do today? i already forgot! maybe that is everything i did today, pretty boring day, pretty common for me.

i will now watch some more cinnamoroll stuff and then i'll go to sleep! let's hope tomorrow is another uneventful slow day!
bye bye!!

 and here comes my little message for the internet, this entry is going to join the endless sea of annoying self indulgent blogs out there! let's see... i find comfort in the fact that since i just made my blog and my website today, there might be zero readers out there. i can just write something stupid and it'l go into the void where maybe it will reach someone one day.

Life has been so... crazy? no, this entire year has been insane. i've discovered family secrets i wish i would've never known, i've lost family members and others have fallen ill physically and mentally. and me? im just stuck inside my four walls. i don't remember the last time i saw my family member who passed away, my grandma is collecting lemons from her tree that she planted the last time i saw her, my cousins son is going to go to school soon... everyone's lives are going on without me. i wonder if they remember me? i wonder if they know how often i think of them? i miss them all, i wish i was strong enough to see them again but no matter how much i try or how much medication i take i always feel unsafe and out of place when im outside. i always assume that im bothering someone just by breathing near them, that the world is better off without me out there and that no one would ever want to see my ugly face that not even a mask can hide.

Here at home i can live in my own world, here i can be a child for as long as i want. i have a warm blanket, yummy food, plushies, my pets! everything is so much better when you're inside! i can watch movies all day and i can day dream about the things i'd like to own! i can make my own friends in my mind and i can give them long stories with complex situations, you can do anything as long as you have a little brain inside that little skull of ours! some may think i'm a crazy person but i adore escaping reality. i do not wish to live in the real world, i created my own fantasy and i'm happiest when i'm living in it. this little shelter is where im going to spend all of my days for the rest of my life, and if there is some person out there who is curious about what is like to live as a shut in that only copes through escapism my blog will be the place for them. that sounds really selfish, doesn't it? i am a selfish person after all! in my dreamworld i am an almighty prince! a super cool dude! so who cares about who i am in real life? right?

ok that is enough crazy person talk for today. i hate writing about being aware of the fact that i live in a fantasy world, but it is a big problem in my life. it is the main reason why i have not left my house in almost 5 years, and it is also why i enjoy living this way.

well, time to post this! i guess this is going to be what the internet will remember me for! running a stupid little blog no one reads where i ramble about my dreams!! anyways, i wonder what i'll write in my next blog? tomorrow me, you better do a good job writing that!!! bye bye! sleep well and take care of yourself! oh, by the way future me! in the next blog let me know if you're still sick, ok? you have to take care of yourself if you still are! ok now bye bye for real, me!